Alrighty,
It's officially 2 weeks before my sorry ass lands get's kicked out of Australia and gets checked backed home. Shit... i should have made that sound nicer.
But yes 2 weeks to get packed. Not only my physical baggages, but also my emotional attachments. Leaving a place i would say have never been this joyous and in a way sad. Sigh...... such a mix feeling. For some, i'm glad our paths did crossed but somehow or rather this is the end where for some of them i would have to say good bye forever.
I remember someone telling me this , " You've made such an impact and memory in many people's life ". Sigh, i really don't know how to carry on writting this.....
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Life now .... Live now ...
Any words to describe now would be :-
- Bored
- Broke
- Busted
I'm stuck at home mostly doing nothing at all daily. It's probably just rotting at home as a daily routine. It's not that i don't wanna occupy myself with something interesting but just that Melbourne's this boring. But i should start packing or arranging my stuffs.Even my favourite pass time shopping's taken off the list. Which leads me back to the 2nd point.
Broke. Oh goodness, nothing can get worst than that. My expenditure has sky rocketed since i got back. Not even been anywhere close to shopping but just due to some reasons my money's all being drained up rather quickly. Wow, stressful le. The past 3 days i've been cooking meals. But i'm so fed up because i don't wanna keep cooking the same stuff. No choice le, if that's what would keep me saving, YES .... I'll do it willingly considering now i have not even a dollar cash to spend. Sigh.
Well, i'm being busted for the recent major decision. Won't wanna blog it out here cause i just can't be bothered but yes. Sad life le. My goodness, things just keep getting more interesting for my situation. Someone spare me a gun will ya ?????
Haha... Kidding nia. But only the gun part. For the rest, reality sinks in.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
FIGHTer
My time's slowly running up ....
Waking up everyday after a late night ...
I feel like i'm a pawn in the chest game ...
Waiting for the next move ...
That could either make me or kill me ...
Finally ....
Another chapter of my life have closed ...
My friends that stood and crossed my path ...
I will trully miss you guys ...
For you have shaped me to become the person i am ..
Each individual one of you so special ...
Hands wide open ...
Embracing the new chapter that awaits me ..
My future, my life , my destiny ...
Big words that still scares me when i think of it ...
But i know in the end ...
I'll make it ...
New dreams and goals ...
New exciting environment ...
New faces and friends yet to meet ...
Something i'll be looking forward towards ...
Better get ready...
Coming your way ...
It's finally bye bye Melbourne ...
Welcome to the big new world ...........
Waking up everyday after a late night ...
I feel like i'm a pawn in the chest game ...
Waiting for the next move ...
That could either make me or kill me ...
Finally ....
Another chapter of my life have closed ...
My friends that stood and crossed my path ...
I will trully miss you guys ...
For you have shaped me to become the person i am ..
Each individual one of you so special ...
Hands wide open ...
Embracing the new chapter that awaits me ..
My future, my life , my destiny ...
Big words that still scares me when i think of it ...
But i know in the end ...
I'll make it ...
New dreams and goals ...
New exciting environment ...
New faces and friends yet to meet ...
Something i'll be looking forward towards ...
Better get ready...
Coming your way ...
It's finally bye bye Melbourne ...
Welcome to the big new world ...........
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Sigh
Left standing alone all by myself. If it's not possible for us to be together why are we still trying so hard to fight against the odds. Why is it that sometimes that there's this feeling in me to fight to the very end. And in the very end that i lose.....
Most of you who know me would know me as a very very strong character and personality. But eventually i'm still human and there's only that much i can do. I strive so hard to make everything come true but everything somehow just seems like it's not working.
But even still, as though it seems like a losing battle that things will not turn for the good where everything just seems so clouded and dark. I could only hang on by the thread. By believeing, believeing that there's still little hope. Even with that little hope i'll still pull myself up and fight, fight to survive, fight for what i have dreamed of....
Most of you who know me would know me as a very very strong character and personality. But eventually i'm still human and there's only that much i can do. I strive so hard to make everything come true but everything somehow just seems like it's not working.
But even still, as though it seems like a losing battle that things will not turn for the good where everything just seems so clouded and dark. I could only hang on by the thread. By believeing, believeing that there's still little hope. Even with that little hope i'll still pull myself up and fight, fight to survive, fight for what i have dreamed of....
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
2005
Tonight I BLOG !!!
It has been ages since i last posted. It's good to be back blogging !! Not Melbourne. Well, 3 months swept past and i'm still laid back trying to accept the fact tht Uni's started. Sigh !! This year even more significant marked by the day June 5th where i officially am integrated into adulthood. 21 years old.
Looking back from the teenage life. Somehow or rather it still seemed more like a childlike life fully dependent on my parents until i left for Australia. I dare say, i've came a long way. From school to college into uni life. The transition was a rather swift change but part of the memories still remains. From a 78kg to 60 kg to 70 kg within the period of 3 years. Wow, looking back at it i still wonder how i did it and how amazing an experience it was. From a chubby boy to a slim model moving into an artist is still something i can hardly grasp and understand.
However, i'm happy and grateful for i have succeeded my dream and goal. To be the person i want to be. Most of all. To be HAPPY. But if i ask myself, am i trully happy? It's a question i'm still puzzled with and cannot answer. But for now it'll do.
2005. A new year with new motive and a new dream and goal to set and achieve. What am i going to set for this year and the years to come. The even bigger question !!! How many years am i going to take to achieve it. How much hard work. Still so many things to figure out !! But i know i'll definitely be able to do it.
Sigh ... back to Melbourne again. 4th year. I really miss someone. I just want to say i really miss you a lot. And finally also thank you for what we shared together. Thanks .... If u ask me now. I'm trully Happy.
It has been ages since i last posted. It's good to be back blogging !! Not Melbourne. Well, 3 months swept past and i'm still laid back trying to accept the fact tht Uni's started. Sigh !! This year even more significant marked by the day June 5th where i officially am integrated into adulthood. 21 years old.
Looking back from the teenage life. Somehow or rather it still seemed more like a childlike life fully dependent on my parents until i left for Australia. I dare say, i've came a long way. From school to college into uni life. The transition was a rather swift change but part of the memories still remains. From a 78kg to 60 kg to 70 kg within the period of 3 years. Wow, looking back at it i still wonder how i did it and how amazing an experience it was. From a chubby boy to a slim model moving into an artist is still something i can hardly grasp and understand.
However, i'm happy and grateful for i have succeeded my dream and goal. To be the person i want to be. Most of all. To be HAPPY. But if i ask myself, am i trully happy? It's a question i'm still puzzled with and cannot answer. But for now it'll do.
2005. A new year with new motive and a new dream and goal to set and achieve. What am i going to set for this year and the years to come. The even bigger question !!! How many years am i going to take to achieve it. How much hard work. Still so many things to figure out !! But i know i'll definitely be able to do it.
Sigh ... back to Melbourne again. 4th year. I really miss someone. I just want to say i really miss you a lot. And finally also thank you for what we shared together. Thanks .... If u ask me now. I'm trully Happy.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Saturday, November 27, 2004
YOU
Alritey, second day marking into my officially holidays back homme.
And i have written a song thanks to all the musical instruments made available in the house as compared to Melbourne. However, this time i used the guitar instead of piano and wow... i sure love this song. Lively beat, simple words. And i'll include the lyrics.
YOU
Verse
Beautiful
Wonderful
Laying on the cross it was
You
Everyday
Longing for you
My heart crys out
And it was You
Pre-Chorus
That gave up Your Life
To redeem for my sins
Who could say my life ?
Only You
To light up my world
In the darkest hour
Guide me each day
I am new
Chorus
King Of majesty
I will run for you
Giver of life
Restorer of my soul
Your love and mercy
Are new each day
It was you, it was you.
End
Ok, yup. That was it. The lyrics. I am still unsure if i am going to work on a bridge for this song. But yea, just really love the melody. As for the rest of the day, try imagining this:-
Sitting beside a swimming pool baking under the sun to desperately restore the long lost tan. Haha... Oh yea.. forgot bout the fruit punch bit and the sexy chicks( as if i was in Hawaii).
But cool, resting well and enjoying every bit of it. Cyaz
And i have written a song thanks to all the musical instruments made available in the house as compared to Melbourne. However, this time i used the guitar instead of piano and wow... i sure love this song. Lively beat, simple words. And i'll include the lyrics.
YOU
Verse
Beautiful
Wonderful
Laying on the cross it was
You
Everyday
Longing for you
My heart crys out
And it was You
Pre-Chorus
That gave up Your Life
To redeem for my sins
Who could say my life ?
Only You
To light up my world
In the darkest hour
Guide me each day
I am new
Chorus
King Of majesty
I will run for you
Giver of life
Restorer of my soul
Your love and mercy
Are new each day
It was you, it was you.
End
Ok, yup. That was it. The lyrics. I am still unsure if i am going to work on a bridge for this song. But yea, just really love the melody. As for the rest of the day, try imagining this:-
Sitting beside a swimming pool baking under the sun to desperately restore the long lost tan. Haha... Oh yea.. forgot bout the fruit punch bit and the sexy chicks( as if i was in Hawaii).
But cool, resting well and enjoying every bit of it. Cyaz
Friday, November 26, 2004
Homme Finalle
HELLO HELLO......
Just checked myself back into the hotseat of blogging. Yet again, a long break since my last update. Nevertheless, UPDATED.
Hmmm.... after months of torture and exam preparations. It's over, lying on my bed staring at the wall will be a luxury i could afford to indulge in for hours now if i wanted to with time travelling on my pace and by my side.
Yet again, countless era's of things have happened during this period of time. I fell !!! Don't ask fell for what. I just fell. The rest i leave it to your imagination. Finally back home in the comfort of love and care. I am able to refind, refocus, redefine my life again. A long deserved break from my endless life in Melbourne.
Then again, someone i will dearly love in Melbourne, my dear JJ will be deeply missed. But i know that she'll be in good hands. Hopefully she won't starve herself like the last time i wasn't around. Few people to publicly thank, Miss Angie Li, Mr. Victor Ng, Ms. Joan Lee. Appreciate it. Well, even during that short of post-exam syndromme, i still felt stressed as i was so caught up with so many things to do before i left. Even till the very very last minute.
I felt tht my life was bring drainned so badly in the last month. But finally, over. Now the next thing i would love to look forward to would be meeting my friends. Just spending time refining out friendship and bond. Time i hope will yet not be a struggle this time. I left Melbourne without being able to meet many many people. Work as well. That will be another issue that i really just don't know how to put it.
But then, who cares, just as long i'm not 10,000 miles away. I'm glad.
Just checked myself back into the hotseat of blogging. Yet again, a long break since my last update. Nevertheless, UPDATED.
Hmmm.... after months of torture and exam preparations. It's over, lying on my bed staring at the wall will be a luxury i could afford to indulge in for hours now if i wanted to with time travelling on my pace and by my side.
Yet again, countless era's of things have happened during this period of time. I fell !!! Don't ask fell for what. I just fell. The rest i leave it to your imagination. Finally back home in the comfort of love and care. I am able to refind, refocus, redefine my life again. A long deserved break from my endless life in Melbourne.
Then again, someone i will dearly love in Melbourne, my dear JJ will be deeply missed. But i know that she'll be in good hands. Hopefully she won't starve herself like the last time i wasn't around. Few people to publicly thank, Miss Angie Li, Mr. Victor Ng, Ms. Joan Lee. Appreciate it. Well, even during that short of post-exam syndromme, i still felt stressed as i was so caught up with so many things to do before i left. Even till the very very last minute.
I felt tht my life was bring drainned so badly in the last month. But finally, over. Now the next thing i would love to look forward to would be meeting my friends. Just spending time refining out friendship and bond. Time i hope will yet not be a struggle this time. I left Melbourne without being able to meet many many people. Work as well. That will be another issue that i really just don't know how to put it.
But then, who cares, just as long i'm not 10,000 miles away. I'm glad.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Hidden Agenda.
Let's have a sneak preview into my life the past few days and the next few days to come !!!!!
Hmm.... it's just full on and i repeat again full on "hardcore" studyin' !! Now now, i think that does qualify me to be a nerd huh ?! However i always do try my best in desisting all nerdish comments as i do not look like one nor do i talk like one. Maybe i should give it a try one day ! Haha.
Past 3 days being stuck at home turned out to be pretty good actually.
1. I am actually "hardcore studying" or actually trying instead of shopping.
2. I actually eat healthy at home. But i munch loads of craps which in return makes me fat.
3. Lastly, my favourite. I spend less time in front of the mirror. Save hair gel as well !! Haha.
Hmm.... most people would describe me as being metrosexual but i guess i would not defy the fact that i do spend time grooming myself. But i guess i'm just brought up that way to be presentable to everyone. Plus i think most people won't want to see the horrible side of me. hhahaha.
A lot of money been spent on improving my physical image, but i guess when you are not that 'yandao' and have a job to satisfy which requires your best image you eventually succumb to the fact that you are left choiceless. Ha ! That should be good enough to console and also defend myself. Haha.
COUNTDOWN to home : 22 days
COUNTDOWN to exam : Less than 10 days. OMG (what am i doing blogging)
COUNTDOWN to mum's arrival: Speechless ! Neutral effect.
Hmm.... it's just full on and i repeat again full on "hardcore" studyin' !! Now now, i think that does qualify me to be a nerd huh ?! However i always do try my best in desisting all nerdish comments as i do not look like one nor do i talk like one. Maybe i should give it a try one day ! Haha.
Past 3 days being stuck at home turned out to be pretty good actually.
1. I am actually "hardcore studying" or actually trying instead of shopping.
2. I actually eat healthy at home. But i munch loads of craps which in return makes me fat.
3. Lastly, my favourite. I spend less time in front of the mirror. Save hair gel as well !! Haha.
Hmm.... most people would describe me as being metrosexual but i guess i would not defy the fact that i do spend time grooming myself. But i guess i'm just brought up that way to be presentable to everyone. Plus i think most people won't want to see the horrible side of me. hhahaha.
A lot of money been spent on improving my physical image, but i guess when you are not that 'yandao' and have a job to satisfy which requires your best image you eventually succumb to the fact that you are left choiceless. Ha ! That should be good enough to console and also defend myself. Haha.
COUNTDOWN to home : 22 days
COUNTDOWN to exam : Less than 10 days. OMG (what am i doing blogging)
COUNTDOWN to mum's arrival: Speechless ! Neutral effect.
Monday, November 01, 2004
2004 Budget
It's 3 am in the morning. Today i absolutely forgot about day light savings. Hence, late for church and for kids church as well. I felt like an hour of my time was just robbed from me and today's just like any other wasted weekend.
Swot vac begins today !! Which means exams are nearing.
Now, for an even frustrating issue. 2004 money or budget. It's just wrong the fact that reviewing my 2004 budget expenditure i realize that i absolutely managed to screw every single bit of it up. I overspent !! Many thanks to the amount of shopping and also expenditure. Omg, phonebills, and even CJ managed to drain quite a sum from me.
Just imagine the amount i need to spend on treats, training pads and many other stuff. It's an accumulation that somehow always go unnoticed.
Even with working this year which did pay fairly alright i still managed to spent it all directly after receiving my paycheck. Just imagine how much shopping i have done !! Even now my room still have unopenned shopping bags lying there for over 2 months with shoes, clothes, 'thongs', and the list goes on. Amazing JC !! What the hell is wrong with you !!!!!
Not to mention the 2 new suits added to the collection !! Omg... the more i actually give thoughts to it the list just keeps pouring on. And the worst of all, my new hair colour and style cost me quite a bomb itself.
Shit shit shit !!! Alright, better get in shape and go back and do some work and earn some money instead of staying home growing fat !! I managed to have a word with a Singaporean male model this week and i was thoroughly shocked that he recognized me from somewhere. When asked how ?? He answered that he had seen me from a website or magazine !!
Omg... scandolous to the max !! From a website ?? It's better not be some "18 onli'z website" so i spent an hour trying to go through every single modelling agency website in singapore, malaysia and australia.
And ............. guess what !!
I didn't find anything !!!! SHIT !
I guess i will hopefully be able to trace to a suitable answer soon !!
Alright, it's no more modelling work until i actually get back to home. Then at the moment i touch down again in Melbourne next year, it'll be an absolute new start with a new agency in a new building. Cool. Something for me to look forwards to. But hearing bout the few plans that will start next year i think it's gonna be quite another 'hactic' year.
Oh oh, today's halloween !!! yay !! So i took the liberty of buying candy's for the kids in kids church. Wow, this was actually my first time giving out candy's to the kids just like what i use to watch on american TV. But sadly, i wasn't the one receiving which officially means that i am OLDzz !!!!!! Plus, today we played dodgeball for games !! Goodness me i had to mend to so many kids tears ..... I guess it's 'rather' rough for them considering the ball's actually bigger than their head and when actual contact occurs .... It's tears and blood. But then again, it was bloody good fun ! HAHA....
Exams !!!!
Swot vac begins today !! Which means exams are nearing.
Now, for an even frustrating issue. 2004 money or budget. It's just wrong the fact that reviewing my 2004 budget expenditure i realize that i absolutely managed to screw every single bit of it up. I overspent !! Many thanks to the amount of shopping and also expenditure. Omg, phonebills, and even CJ managed to drain quite a sum from me.
Just imagine the amount i need to spend on treats, training pads and many other stuff. It's an accumulation that somehow always go unnoticed.
Even with working this year which did pay fairly alright i still managed to spent it all directly after receiving my paycheck. Just imagine how much shopping i have done !! Even now my room still have unopenned shopping bags lying there for over 2 months with shoes, clothes, 'thongs', and the list goes on. Amazing JC !! What the hell is wrong with you !!!!!
Not to mention the 2 new suits added to the collection !! Omg... the more i actually give thoughts to it the list just keeps pouring on. And the worst of all, my new hair colour and style cost me quite a bomb itself.
Shit shit shit !!! Alright, better get in shape and go back and do some work and earn some money instead of staying home growing fat !! I managed to have a word with a Singaporean male model this week and i was thoroughly shocked that he recognized me from somewhere. When asked how ?? He answered that he had seen me from a website or magazine !!
Omg... scandolous to the max !! From a website ?? It's better not be some "18 onli'z website" so i spent an hour trying to go through every single modelling agency website in singapore, malaysia and australia.
And ............. guess what !!
I didn't find anything !!!! SHIT !
I guess i will hopefully be able to trace to a suitable answer soon !!
Alright, it's no more modelling work until i actually get back to home. Then at the moment i touch down again in Melbourne next year, it'll be an absolute new start with a new agency in a new building. Cool. Something for me to look forwards to. But hearing bout the few plans that will start next year i think it's gonna be quite another 'hactic' year.
Oh oh, today's halloween !!! yay !! So i took the liberty of buying candy's for the kids in kids church. Wow, this was actually my first time giving out candy's to the kids just like what i use to watch on american TV. But sadly, i wasn't the one receiving which officially means that i am OLDzz !!!!!! Plus, today we played dodgeball for games !! Goodness me i had to mend to so many kids tears ..... I guess it's 'rather' rough for them considering the ball's actually bigger than their head and when actual contact occurs .... It's tears and blood. But then again, it was bloody good fun ! HAHA....
Exams !!!!
Friday, October 29, 2004
Brekky !!
Alright !!! 5 days stuck in the library maneged to absolutely drained every single bit of me left towards the end of the year. Let's go through my daily agenda's ....
It's study, studying and studying to the max !!
Trying to recapture the frames that just zapped by this year. It's been a crazy/ fast year. End of the year. The only thing i look forward to besides exams is going home !! Goodness me i dyed my hair plus highlighted it as well just yesterday. It's LOUD !!
This week has been absolutely amazing, i managed to screen out everything and tune into work. Even amazing is tht i was able to desist all forms of contact from the world. And finally, the weekend !!! A well deserved break from countless hours of lecture tortures and tutorial abuses.
Am also trying so hard to get into shape for work when i do get home however it has seriously proved ill. I feel so fat and weak. Not to mention the laziness that creeps in occasionally when i am in the gym. It's just amazing how your mind have the power to control and to be controlled.
Oh ya.... i think my mum's gonna be down during my exams to add to the 'flavor'. Mixed feeling on that but hopefully everythings good. Can't wait to go home !!! Don't have to do my own laundry, clean my house nor drive a car. Relax !!
It's study, studying and studying to the max !!
Trying to recapture the frames that just zapped by this year. It's been a crazy/ fast year. End of the year. The only thing i look forward to besides exams is going home !! Goodness me i dyed my hair plus highlighted it as well just yesterday. It's LOUD !!
This week has been absolutely amazing, i managed to screen out everything and tune into work. Even amazing is tht i was able to desist all forms of contact from the world. And finally, the weekend !!! A well deserved break from countless hours of lecture tortures and tutorial abuses.
Am also trying so hard to get into shape for work when i do get home however it has seriously proved ill. I feel so fat and weak. Not to mention the laziness that creeps in occasionally when i am in the gym. It's just amazing how your mind have the power to control and to be controlled.
Oh ya.... i think my mum's gonna be down during my exams to add to the 'flavor'. Mixed feeling on that but hopefully everythings good. Can't wait to go home !!! Don't have to do my own laundry, clean my house nor drive a car. Relax !!
Friday, October 01, 2004
Reunion !!
Alright !! It's bout time i added some spice into my blog before it goes dry. I have somehow managed to survive through this 2 weeks of term holidays. And that is amazing. However, i realize that this entire 2 weeks i have basically been highly unproductive. Plus !!! I managed to screw up my eating habits, sleeping duties and studying obligations.
However, I do suppose this is a good break from my daily routine lifestyle. Well, where do I start ?? Let’s talk about CJ first, she manage to absolutely destroy my house within this period of 2 weeks and successfully forced me to lock her into her cage as a form of discipline. Won’t bother to elaborate because it’s just painful what she did to me and my house during ‘her’ holiday spirits. Hmm…
As for me, I basically spent most of my time catching up with friends and watching heaps and heaps of movies. Well, I also manage to whoop up a HUGE sum of shopping expenditure. And that’s only for clothes. One event that would be quite memorable was a kids church event called Fusion Olympics that absolutely drained every ounce of energy out of me !! But it was pretty GOOD. Full stop !!
Talk about working !! I am in a dilemma as to whether I should consider a job opportunity laid before me. This is rather frustrating and irritating as I am not capable of making a logical decision in consideration to pros and cons. BTW, this is not a modeling job. It’s more like a coffee shop worker (Australian style).
Today I manage to meet up with my old school friends and let me tell ya it’s GREAT !! Just the get together and not to mention a thorough bitching session ! Superb !! This weekend and the coming week it’s gonna be an absolute killer. More to come ….
However, I do suppose this is a good break from my daily routine lifestyle. Well, where do I start ?? Let’s talk about CJ first, she manage to absolutely destroy my house within this period of 2 weeks and successfully forced me to lock her into her cage as a form of discipline. Won’t bother to elaborate because it’s just painful what she did to me and my house during ‘her’ holiday spirits. Hmm…
As for me, I basically spent most of my time catching up with friends and watching heaps and heaps of movies. Well, I also manage to whoop up a HUGE sum of shopping expenditure. And that’s only for clothes. One event that would be quite memorable was a kids church event called Fusion Olympics that absolutely drained every ounce of energy out of me !! But it was pretty GOOD. Full stop !!
Talk about working !! I am in a dilemma as to whether I should consider a job opportunity laid before me. This is rather frustrating and irritating as I am not capable of making a logical decision in consideration to pros and cons. BTW, this is not a modeling job. It’s more like a coffee shop worker (Australian style).
Today I manage to meet up with my old school friends and let me tell ya it’s GREAT !! Just the get together and not to mention a thorough bitching session ! Superb !! This weekend and the coming week it’s gonna be an absolute killer. More to come ….
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